High School.

Its such a big day. Mark starts high school today.

He's organised (as much as Mark can be), and already at school. I made him catch the bus, feel a little guilty about that, but if it doesn't start on day #1, I know he'll be at me to drive him all the time. He was the first person on his bus, but the route starts only 500m from our place.

He set his alarm (on his iPhone of course) and was up at 7.10am, washed his face, brushed his teeth, did his hair, got dressed in his very handsome uniform. He didn't have breakfast due to extreme nervousness, but he's not a breakfast at home kind of guy. I packed his lunch - a roast beef, lettuce and chutney sandwich, an LCM bar, an apple and a flask of water, I froze half of it last night so it would be cold. Its burning hot here today, top of 36, so he'll be all sweaty when he gets home.


We went a little early to the bus stop - about 20 mins early - so had to wait. Ryan and I waited until the bus came, we waved, wished him good luck, and blew him kisses (luckily he was the only one on the bus at this point)


I'm so sorry that I won't be home when he gets home today. I have a clinic appointment at the hospital at 2.15 and to be honest, I think school finishes at 2.15 on Mondays - so the teachers can do their planning meetings or some such bullshit. So I will have some afternoon tea set out for him. Then I can be ready for when we get home to have my ears talked off (I hope!)

Everyone, fingers crossed that he gets "good" kids in his class, that he won't be seduced by the naughty kids and that he makes really great friends that are interested in school, have nice parents and are not bitchy :)))

The things that irritate me about Facebook.

The following are a bunch of status updates that I'm busting to make, but it would be a little too obvious if I did.

By declaring your undying love for your b/f g/f in every update, it doesn't make it any more real.
I have one cousin in particular who writes his undying love in every single update he does. Why does he do this, he lives with her, she is pregnant with his child, I'm sure he tells her all the time. By making me read it every day, makes me not quite believe it. Also the others who say "love you Bob" and then the next week is "Love you Andy" and so forth... its not love when you've been dating for a week.. truly its not love. Give me your update without the bullshit.

There is no need for excessive swearing in your updates.
I do appreciate a well placed "fuck" for emphasis, but all the time is just unnecessary. I have blocked people for excessive swearing.

Asking people to "text your cell" is just plain desperate. Please stop.
Again the cousins, every update saying I'm bored TTC... if you are bored text a friend, don't ask people to text you. If you want to chat to someone, chat to them, begging everyone (usually with over 1000 friends) on your list to TTC sounds pathetic.

Ahhh that feels better. Sorry if you are one of those who do this, but it drives me crazy. Appears to only be 2nd cousins from Canada... I could unfriend them.... might do it. They do send me crazy.

This is from a while ago. Thought there was a lack of photos

Easter 2010, Ryan sleeping in Grandpa's cradle. He was so tiny back then. This was from a time when he didn't move... ahhh the bliss...

Just call me Mr Chocolate. Mark was most impressed with his Easter stash of chocolate..

Oh so tragic

My boys were playing together tonight. It is such a sweet sight, an almost 13 year old wrestling with a 13 month old. They are gorgeous together.

I love my boys, I love the Mark who came home today. He's been nice, talkative, playful and not too bossy.

So do you want to know the tragedy?

When Ryan really laughs... he snorts!

Just like his mama, I feel for the boy. But its so cute to hear a baby snort from laughing too much.

Happy

I slept last night, not early on, but from 1am. All thanks to Polaramine. My new favourite drug. The RLS was really bad, but who cares, the sedative effect of this (totally safe for pregnancy) drug was wonderful. The girl at the chemist said that I would have a hangover effect.. yes I do, but I don't care. I feel slightly alive.

Shame about the heat, its due to be 36 here today and possibly 42 tomorrow. HOLY CRAP how will I cope, how will Ryan cope? I get to go to work in the afternoon, so that will be good - yay for A/C.

Oh my package is in the air. My dad just called and dear little Mark is on the plane, he said "he looks so small amongst all the adults" but a bloke that used to go to their church is on the plane too... My two boys will be together in just over an hour.

I had better get ready to go then.

I love my family, really looking forward to when we are 5, must pack my hospital bag just in case.

Restless Leg Syndrome

This condition appears to be taking over my life again. I've talked about it here and here. So I might be rehashing a bit.

I'm aching from head to toe. I have serious aches happening in my thighs, hips, shins and calves at the moment. Earlier today it was in my biceps and back.
I can't sit still. I'm cramping up (in my legs) almost constantly and to a small extent those dark thoughts are creeping back.

My worry is extreme exhaustion. I have babies to care for, the one growing inside of me I worry for as I'm getting tempted to resort to drugs. I know he's almost fully grown, but doesn't need to stress of drugs to hamper his development. I don't know of a doctor that will take me seriously.

This is NOT pregnancy related RLS, but this is freaking serious RLS that I've had since I was 17 years old.

It started off slowly, a minor ache in my lower leg (we called it the "heebie jeebies"), could be redirected with a hot bath and a panadol.

It steadily became worse over the years, I didn't get it everyday, but was aware of their being something odd about my legs and sleeping.

When we moved to Newcastle it became something that I needed to see a doctor about. From old blog posts, I think it would have been about 2004-2005 that I first went to a doctor about my RLS and how it was affecting my sleep. I was given sleeping tablets and sent to a neurologist Dr Burton. He gave me electrical conductive tests and I can't remember what else. Fast forward a couple more years, have seen a respiratory/sleep disorder specialist, another neurologist (Dr Lechner-Scott), had sleep studies, EEG, blood tests all which report I have idiopathic RLS - which means of unknown origin. Genetics tells me that because my nan and mum both have mild versions, I have it from them! Thanks ladies.

So after years of

• powerful benzodiazepines,
  
• antidepressants,
  
• antianxiety,
  
• Parkinsonian,
  
• epileptic,
  
• long acting morphine,
• neuropathic pain deviators,
  
• vitamins,
  
• minerals,
  
• old wives tales,
  
• copious amounts of bath water,
  
• wine,
  
• panadol, and
  
• food.

I'm at a total loss what to do. I'm completely exhausted, frightened of going to bed (what's the point I'll just lie there awake), feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Its an illness/condition that no one can see, people don't believe it (sorry Jamie you are in this category). Lots of people think they have it, but have those people kept a small stash of Clonazepam for when it all gets too much and it just might be easier to be dead (don't worry people stash has been disposed of now and I don't have these strong feelings anymore... but they do appear to be creeping back - hence this post).

I don't want advice, I just want to put my feelings out there, maybe use this blog as a pensieve to remove nasty and debilitating thoughts from my head.

I'm a woman, I can change my mind.

Totally changed my mind about quilting. I shall keep it as a hobby I'll do later. Quite silly to start something when I'll soon have a toddler and a newborn to keep me busy. I'd only start it and then feel guilty about not finishing it.

Today was Anti-D injection. This is because I somehow got the quite rare blood group of B negative. I know I went thru it with mum and dad and neither of them are BNeg, so I'm unique. It also means 3 needles during EACH pregnancy - I think.

I recall after Mark was born, after 8 hours of labour and an emergency C-section that my arm hurt. I found this very odd, why would my arm hurt if I just gave birth to a baby.... ahhhh Anti-D.

Questions...

I want to dye....
my wedding dress. I will never wear it as a white (with black embellishments) dress and it is my wedding dress. But to be completely truthful, its a $35 Kmart maternity sundress and would be quite practical in my current condition.

So my question to you is... what colour should I dye it?

I would like either subtle shade of blue, pink or green. Please vote at the side which one you think. I'm happy to accept other ideas. Don't like the idea of a bright colour... cos I know I just wouldn't wear it.

Quilting

I'm planning on visiting a quilt shop tomorrow. Its been a fantasy of mine for a while to sew a quilt. I love them. Might just start with appliqué for a couple of Ryan's plain tshirts.

I'll check with Jamie his theory on me taking a beginners class.... We are in desperate need of a new doona cover, maybe I could make one. But when I look at blogs on quilts, I get terribly confused. Joyce has inspired me to make a pillowcase, so I need to buy some fabric for that. Pillowcases can't be hard, plus how satisfying to make them yourself.... very excited actually.

Wish me luck. Have to take Ryan for his 12 month needles today :(
Poor little chap hasn't had the best of luck health wise for that past few weeks, so this will make him all the more poorly. Hopefully that means I get good cuddles tonight.

Marko is having a good time with my parents in Phillip Island... no flooding there, or in Nathalia - phew.

Confession Time.

I have a terrible confession. To scared to tell the majority of people on Facebook so I'll leave it to my little mostly unread blog.

We don't have a family picture yet. We don't have a single photo of Jamie, Ryan and I. None of Jamie, Mark, Ryan and I. How dreadful is that? He is 13.5 months old.

I have a feeling our first family photo will now include the person known as "New Baby"

How did this happen? Maybe a day in the NICU when we should have taken post delivery shots. No Christmas photos, no birthday family photos.

It really does not help that Jamie and I are totally un-photogenic. Our kids look so great on film - we don't!

That is my confession. Will attempt to rectify this asap.

Hot

That is a profound title for a post isn't it?

I'm hot. I don't cope to well being hot.

I'm 29 weeks pregnant to boot, which raises my internal temperature.

Jamie says I'm becoming very boring because I just keep whining about the heat.

Well once the heat gets turned off, I'll stop whining.

Had a lovely visit from Kathryn and Eoin today. He's a dear little boy, hard to believe he's only 3 months, must be the hair, he looks quite grown up. Ryan did the thing that bigger babies do, whack and try to put the dummy in. But he kept missing and tried to shove the thing in his eye or cheek. Eoin didn't seem to mind (and thankfully either did his mother)

Our electricity went off today for 2 hours. I live with ceiling fans, I don't think I could live without them to be honest. So two hours sans fans was a challenge. Thank you Energy Australia for restoring my power :)))

Just a bit scared.

Please allow me to get all serious for a moment.
I know it is possible. But how can you love all your children the same?

Mark was the centre of my universe for 11 years... solely him. I adore him (he shits me, but I adore him), I love that we can talk, share stuff, be silly together, and I totally understand him.

Ryan is the most amazing baby that anyone could wish for. He is so placid, interested, cheeky, easy going and totally gorgeous. I can't believe how much I love him. I love that he's the "spitting image" of his father (a more good looking version - sorry Jamie). He's turning into a little nerd, he obsessed with the telephone, remote controls, and any button he's not allowed to touch - as I rescue the computer from being turned off (again). I love how he plays with his mobile (the ones babies lie underneath when they are small) but now looks at the back and moves the switches.

So how do I fit another little boy into my heart? I know that I will... but it seem so impossible, don't you think? Everything I have ever read said that your heart expands to the number of children you have.

Strange time of year

Today has been quite emotional. I'll start close to home and then branch out.

Today is the day that Mark flies off to Melbourne for his Christmas holiday with my parents. It keeps their relationship close and gives Jamie and I a break. Seeing him walk out the doors at Newcastle airport and onto the plane is always a bit emotional. Today Mark was a total stress head. He badly wanted to put The Simpson's Movie onto his iPhone and it wouldn't work. He cracked it, he was loud, bossy, rude and that makes me happy for him to leave. Then I feel guilty... oh the cycle of it.

Ryan is going to miss him so much. They have played together so beautifully for the past three weeks. Most of Ryan's waking moments are with Mark in the room (or Mark throwing toys at his head!!) Mark is going to miss Ryan heaps too. He's certain he will start walking in this fortnight, something he is sad to miss. Not really sure if it will happen, well it has to happen at some point doesn't it?

I do love having Mark around. He is quite useful if nothing else. But the house should be tidier, we'll definitely save some money. I won't have the constant "but I only want" comments coming every three seconds. Oh and we'll be able to watch the news!

A perfect segue to my next point. EMOTIONAL floods. How can the world be like this. There was huge wall of water that descended on Toowoomba and the surrounding areas yesterday. Over 100mm of rain fell in a very short period of time which caused flash flooding. Watching the news has been the most amazing thing. HUGE brown rivers bouncing cars around like they are made of plastic - not a 2ton 4wd. There are 8 confirmed dead and many others missing. It is so terrifying. Pictures of people sitting on their roofs with water (brown murky disgusting water) everywhere. How it will smell, how will these people cope. Felt at a complete loss this morning, just wanted to watch the news.. but we had to watch Prank Patrol (granted it was a good prank) and the freaking Simpsons. No photos today. I will post some soon... maybe ;)

Questions

As always I stole this from another blog.

Why did you create the blog?

When we moved I wanted to share photos of our life up here. Not sure exactly when I started it, but that was the motivation, sort of a sharing my scrapbooking and life away from my family.

What kind of blogs do you follow?
Some scrapbooking, baking but mostly families who have children with Down Syndrome. I find them so inspirational. The two I follow most closely now have adopted their children, makes it all the more inspirational.

Favourite makeup brand?

Who gives a flying f***, oops thats not what you want to hear, I'd love to be a makeup girl, but I'm not.

Favourite clothing brand?
I hate shopping for clothes with passion. I hate my figure (when its not pregnant), and detest looking in the mirror. Hand me downs are my favourite brand.

Your indispensable makeup product?
I want to use moisturiser everyday. My mother has gorgeous skin and has blessed me with great skin, but as I'm now 37 I should try a little harder to make it last a bit longer.

Your favourite colour?
I love pink, but tend to wear grey, black and white.

Your perfume?
Deodorant - not a perfume girl.

Your favourite film?
Hmm... I always say "She's Having a Baby", but its a little dated now. I love Monsters Inc. I'm more of a tv person, love my 1hr murder dramas.

What country would you like to visit and why?
Currently its America. I'm quite obsessed.

Make the last question and answer to yourself
What trait do you wish you had? Organisation. Looking at my messy house with clutter everywhere, I want it GONE.

Feeling Great

After the shittiest NYE almost in history. New Years Day was wonderful.

The shift at work was really great, I worked with Leonnie, Kelly and Amber. I like working with them, our patients were nice and it was all very friendly.

Came home from work and everyone was in a good mood. We laughed, the baby made us all laugh, he's so busy. He was crawling along the hallway holding Mark's torch (as you do!) and then stopped, looked into his room and in he trotted. It looks so funny, making little decisions... "I'll go in here now" when I finally got in to check on him, he was standing up next to his change table organising stuff. He had his ample belly leaning against the furniture and had a tube of nappy rash cream in each hand... and a slightly guilty look on his face.


Had a nice tea as a family, even had dessert. Then we decided to go to the beach. Its been a stinker of a couple of days... 35deg. So bundled into the car and went to Newcastle Beach. Marko went for a swim at twilight - there were about 20 people in swimming - and J,R and I just put our feet in. Ryan thought it was marvellous, whenever Marko went out of sight he yelled "BAAA" (which we believe is Ryan name for Mark) and started laughing.

This reminds me of our dogs when we go to to the beach. Charlie is a swimmer, Skye is not. Charlie heads out into the surf and Skye stays on the shore barking, we are positive he is says "Charlie, come back, its not safe in there". Finally when he can't take it anymore Skye heads out into the water to save Charlie and then they both swim back. Its very sweet (if not a little noisy).

The weather at the beach was LOVELY, a nice cooling breeze, the water was quite cold but everything was still very warm. It was nice to people watch the young beautiful people in bikinis playing volleyball (Mark said "look people are playing Monopoly" poor kid has too many of his mothers genes).

Once home, put the gorgeous boy to bed. We then "buzzed" Mark's hair. Please don't judge us but we have unfortunately had a nit problem for a couple of years. I treat it, they come back, I don't treat and they stay, I comb and comb and comb, treat and treat and treat Mark's hair. But as he likes his hair quite long as its nice and curly, it gives the nits and lice somewhere to feed. Anywho, I found one in Ryan's hair... I told Mark that's it, the only way to rid the horrible little insects is to get rid of his hair. So off it came last night. So far its a #5, but there are still longer bits as the buzzer lost power. I hope to convince him that a #3 would be better, make sure there are NO eggs left. It'll be a nice feeling to be finally nit free. BTW, I got Ryan's out without any issues - there was only one egg.

Here is a photo of my trip to Sydney to see Bon Jovi. I went with Terese and it was marvellous. There were a few songs I didn't know, but the atmosphere was great. Loved it, loved it, loved it.

Day One

Happy New Year!

I'm so totally NOT a Happy New Year person. I think its stupid. You are forced to stay awake until midnight so you can watch fireworks (for us on the telly) and to be completely honest, fireworks are boring and a complete waste of money - in my humble opinion. I don't wish people "Happy New Year", its not my thing.

Gosh, such a sour puss.

Just spent the day at work, I really enjoyed work today. My patients were nice, I was flirted with (we won't count that he was 86 years old, deaf as a door post and almost blind to boot), enjoyed who I was working with. Makes it all very pleasurable.

Coming home was nice, got a lovely response from my men. Mark is now on the computer, Ryan is attempting a nap and Jamie is perfecting the nap.

Today is HOT. My computer says its 30 degrees, but it feels closer to.... 36. Bloody hot, not helped that I have turned into an incubator to what appears to be a big baby. I'm very pregnant at the moment, I expect I have 3 months (12 weeks) to go. My official due date is 3 April 2011, but am expecting to deliver on about 30 March. I have an appointment with an obstetrician middle of next week, should be interesting, I've NEVER seen a fully qualified obs before, I've had two babies and only ever seen registrars! How odd eh?