Getting it off my chest.

Currently not coping with my lot.  I don't want to sound ungrateful, I'm terribly grateful.  I have a man who I love.  3 healthy children. A good job. Money. Family.  So please don't think I don't appreciate all that, but some days you just need a good moan.  So for this post, I don't plan to punctuate every sentence with "but I really love him" as that is a given.  This is straight up saying how I feel.

I'm not happy.

I'm not coping with my Ryan, he is 22 months old and at the moment it feels like he is never happy, he is sooky, selfish, grumpy, annoying and a poor eater.

Today he woke up at 5.30am, I gave him his milk in a cup and then put him back to bed.  He talked to himself until we got up at about 7am.  That is pretty good.  He isn't unhappy in his bed.  His breakfast this morning was poor, wouldn't eat half of his (one) Weetbix, sultanas and a drink.    Anything not eaten is thrown on the floor.  He is refusing to go into his highchair, back arching and screaming when I attempt it.  As for going out, don't get me started.  I'm hating leaving the house with him, he has become "that child" the one that screams.  He doesn't want to be in the pram any more (and I don't blame him, he's nearly 2), but I'm not entirely ready for him to walk.  When he walks, he runs away.  If I can get him in the pram, it feels like child abuse, pushing him in the chair.  Awful.  So how am I dealing with this.. by not going out without Mark or Jamie, or waiting until Jamie comes home and leaving the boys at home.  Hence they are not being socialised and not learning the proper social skills for out of the house.

I'm very stressed about his lack of language skills.  But am not willing to do anything about it until after our move.  Maybe I will.  Oh dear.  I'll call a speech path today and see what kind of cost/wait it is.

I'm stressed about Mark.  He is addicted to the xbox and I can't seem to stop him playing it.  That feels like a cop out as he's only 13 but its the truth.  Yesterday at the end of the day he calculated that he played for at least 7 hours.  That's not good.  I can't get him to do homework without threats and I don't like that.  This afternoon he needs new shoes, so we'll go shopping and then he can do some homework.

Ben is a dream except he has nappy rash which is making me feel like a bad mother.

Jamie is working so hard and I'm just riding him harder.  He have to have everything finished in about 6 weeks now, but I thought about it yesterday, he knew all year that we were moving, he's known for 3 years that we were renovating our kitchen.  I don't need to feel guilty about him doing 15-18hr days at the moment as it should have already been done!  Harsh but fair.  Plus when we get to Melbourne, he most likely will not be working, so can have a break then.