Stressed out

That is me!  Completely stressed out.  

I'm finding my work overwhelming.  I've been there too much recently.  I need a break.  I need a bit of a backbone too.  That will be enough about that.

I'm very worried about my memory.  What if I'm getting early onset dementia.  People know I "don't remember things"  But its getting really bad.  Mark rang me a few weeks ago whilst I was at the supermarket, he needed a medium sized extension cord.  The electrical section was two aisles away and I forgot it.  I didn't realise what I'd forgotten until Mark asked for it.  Didn't realise when I got to the car, completely gone.

Jamie and I are taking the auto mechanic to VCAT (consumer court) over an issue we have had.  I'm stressing about that, Jamie told me not to worry about it, its not that difficult.  Why the hell would he know??  I spoke to my mum she said she's been to VCAT twice, once with my sister (over tenants) and once for TOWN Club.  She said its not stressful, I believed her.  Then Jamie piped up, "I've been to VCAT too"  WHEN???  "You know, with Dave" ummmmm.......  oh yes that was only 5 years ago.  Where has this memory gone? 

I remember so little of Mark's childhood.  Dates I'm rubbish with.  I don't know if certain things have happened with him.  I just don't know.

The names of the kids is beyond a joke.  I get it wrong constantly.

I can't recall the names of things.  I ask Mark to put his clothes in the dishwasher and put it on.  He looks at me with a sad look on his face.

I have my birthday party in a little over two weeks time, I've thought about it. but organised NOTHING.  It frightens me to do it.

I'm getting curtains for my birthday (yes that's a good present) but its so stressful to pick them.  What if they are not right?  It frightens me to do it.

I've joined the gym and I'm frightened to go.

I need to lose weight but I'm lacking all form of willpower.

I'm cutting myself off from life.  I love my friend Connie but now I don't see her.  I miss her.

I haven't seen my sister in weeks, I miss her.

I haven't seen my sister-in-law in almost two weeks and I miss her.

I think a new mental health care plan is in order.  When the fuck do I have time to see a counsellor?  Oh well, sort out everyone else's lives and mine can circle around the drain. The pressure of everything is getting to me.

RUOK?  Not really, but thanks for asking.