Restless Leg Syndrome

This condition appears to be taking over my life again. I've talked about it here and here. So I might be rehashing a bit.

I'm aching from head to toe. I have serious aches happening in my thighs, hips, shins and calves at the moment. Earlier today it was in my biceps and back.
I can't sit still. I'm cramping up (in my legs) almost constantly and to a small extent those dark thoughts are creeping back.

My worry is extreme exhaustion. I have babies to care for, the one growing inside of me I worry for as I'm getting tempted to resort to drugs. I know he's almost fully grown, but doesn't need to stress of drugs to hamper his development. I don't know of a doctor that will take me seriously.

This is NOT pregnancy related RLS, but this is freaking serious RLS that I've had since I was 17 years old.

It started off slowly, a minor ache in my lower leg (we called it the "heebie jeebies"), could be redirected with a hot bath and a panadol.

It steadily became worse over the years, I didn't get it everyday, but was aware of their being something odd about my legs and sleeping.

When we moved to Newcastle it became something that I needed to see a doctor about. From old blog posts, I think it would have been about 2004-2005 that I first went to a doctor about my RLS and how it was affecting my sleep. I was given sleeping tablets and sent to a neurologist Dr Burton. He gave me electrical conductive tests and I can't remember what else. Fast forward a couple more years, have seen a respiratory/sleep disorder specialist, another neurologist (Dr Lechner-Scott), had sleep studies, EEG, blood tests all which report I have idiopathic RLS - which means of unknown origin. Genetics tells me that because my nan and mum both have mild versions, I have it from them! Thanks ladies.

So after years of

• powerful benzodiazepines,
  
• antidepressants,
  
• antianxiety,
  
• Parkinsonian,
  
• epileptic,
  
• long acting morphine,
• neuropathic pain deviators,
  
• vitamins,
  
• minerals,
  
• old wives tales,
  
• copious amounts of bath water,
  
• wine,
  
• panadol, and
  
• food.

I'm at a total loss what to do. I'm completely exhausted, frightened of going to bed (what's the point I'll just lie there awake), feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Its an illness/condition that no one can see, people don't believe it (sorry Jamie you are in this category). Lots of people think they have it, but have those people kept a small stash of Clonazepam for when it all gets too much and it just might be easier to be dead (don't worry people stash has been disposed of now and I don't have these strong feelings anymore... but they do appear to be creeping back - hence this post).

I don't want advice, I just want to put my feelings out there, maybe use this blog as a pensieve to remove nasty and debilitating thoughts from my head.