TIRED

Yep that is me. TIRED. The darling baby boy is sleeping through the night, but I'm not. I wake every hour, thrash around, get up, reorganise the doona (Jamie is a very annoying cocoon sleeper, so I lose my doona)

On a sidebar... lose/loose its really had to know what one to use. The same with bought and brought, so I usually rewrite sentences to include purchase so I don't make an idiot of myself.

I'm up to working 4 days a week and am finding it very hard. I worry all the time how Jamie is coping with Ryan. Jamie doesn't "get" the routine yet.

Mark has been ok, not as rude as last week. Might stem from the fact I've barely seen him. Looking forward to doing something together today. Hopefully it won't just be housework.

Tweenies

How do you deal with your tween?

Mark turned 12 last week. He had a fabulous day, lots of presents, food he wanted, centre of attention. Just the way he likes it. He was amazingly lovely.

Today, I got the "other" Mark, the one I'd prefer to call Kram (the anti-Mark).

Kram is awful. Disrespectful. Rude. Disobedient. Smelly. Messy. Tired. Grumpy.

Case in point: Last night was the final performance of StarStruck which is a big song and dance show for approx 3000 kids from the entire Hunter region. Mark is not a singer or a dancer, but I think saw it as a way to get out of school and experience something different (ok I'll give him the benefit of the doubt). The evening performances finish at 10pm, I had to collect him at 10:15pm then its home to bed. Last night I had to bring his friend Mads as well as we all do football on Sunday mornings. Everyone thought it would just be easier if he stayed over. Makes sense. But having a friend over - who is a thoroughly delightful although a little worldly boy - brings out Kram. When I suggested that it was 11.15 and they should go to bed. I got the "WHY?" we can stay up until 1am without any problems. He was in my face saying WHY WHY WHY. I stuck to my guns.. they were in bed and fast asleep by 11.40. These boys were TIRED. But for Kram to listen I had to turn into a banshee and I don't like that. That is not my personality. I had to threaten to hit him. I have taken away all his computer/tv/scooter privileges for today. But as I said "until tomorrow" I got the shrug with "I don't care" comment.

They both had trouble waking up (surprise surprise) and then pretty much refused to get ready for a pretty important football match. Jamie likes to leave at 8am, at 8:10 Kram was still fussing around. But it all happened and they have left. Ryan isn't so well, so I'm staying at home.

I asked Jamie for some back up and got "that's how he treats me at football training"

I don't know what to do. I know he's a good kid, I see the good kid. What changes him and how do I deal with it?

Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Not the start I was expecting.

Well I've returned to work. It was easy, comfortable and good. I liked who I worked with, the first two days weren't too difficult... different story for Saturday, but due to confidentiality laws.. best keep that story to myself (but ARRGGHHHH just about covers it)

So how wasn't it like I was expecting?
Firstly little Ryan was sick, so no childcare. Jamie stayed home with him. Up until this day, Jamie had "parented" Ryan for a maximum of 3 hours by himself. Thursday was a 9.5hr day with a sickie. Ryan is a good sickie though, he spends most of his time sleeping. Jamie coped beautifully. Friday I was on afternoon shift, my original plan had me leave for work at 1pm and Mark arrives home to help at 3.30pm. Mark spent the night at a friends house, so no helper. I still left at 1pm, after work went to my friends house and didn't get home until midnight then was due back at work the next morning. Jamie is a wonderful dad. I hope I won't sell him short anymore. He does a great job.

Saturday was BUSY. After work I had to collect Mark from Damien's house, met that family, had a cup of tea. Then home, get changed cos Jamie and I were out to dinner. We went to the "Figtree" restaurant in Mayfield. Its really yummy. 8 courses of mostly meat followed by dessert. Had a glass of wine, which looked like 20ml in the bottom of a giant glass. I know there was more in there, but the glass was so massive. Our boys were babysat by Terese.

Stressed out.

Yep that is me. Completely stressed. Can't achieve anything. Feeling very inadequate.

I'm going back to work tomorrow. This is a good thing, I have been a bit lonely whilst on Maternity Leave. I think the last two months have been better, sort of been forcing myself onto people and that is a good thing. I love football season, I love the community of the football club. I really miss them in summer. I'm worried about how I'll fit into an adult environment again, worried about the dynamics of the place, worried about how Jamie will cope with Mark and Ryan on his own, worried about money, worried about lack of money, worried about food, worried about cleaning, worried about health. What am I doing to combat this worry? Nothing. Certainly am not facing it.

SHIT Ryan is due to have needles today and he's sick as! Will wait until next week then.