Sunday, January 22, 2012

help, Help, HELP HELP HELP please

We're suffering, Ryan is not going to sleep at night. In the last months, lots of changes for him. Changes are as follows:
  • Moved house - seems to have coped with that well.
  • Lots of visitors - enjoys that.
  • Mark went away for 2 weeks - but he loves Mark, don't go.
  • Daddy went away - OMG he loves Daddy and now can't see him (last night he kissed Jamie's picture on my phone when he said goodnight)
  • We moved him to a "big boy" bed the day before we knew Jamie had the job, and he left 5 days later and routine was not established.
  • Started daycare 3 days per week.
  • Changeable weather - can't help that one.
  • Naps are erratic
  • Mummy goes walking at strange times, leaving Ryan at home.

So with all that in mind, Ryan is having so much trouble falling asleep.
We do the wind down procedure,
  • dinner - that is a whole other battle that I won't go into yet.
  • bath - love love love the bath, its a frequent calmer down.
  • relax in front of the telly, 
  • story (ok I only started that yesterday, but they really enjoyed it, so it will continue *blush*)
  • The kiss, tuck in and say goodnight.
The the drama starts, he comes out, he cries/screams, he comes out, he comes out he comes out.  All the time, Ben is in the same room, so his sleep is being disturbed.

I've done the "I've said goodnight, time to sleep, shut your eyes" He does this, then immediately returns.

I've growled, I've even smacked, I've been stony faced, I've been loving.  I've given a drink, I've given the silent treatment.  My main problem is when in the cot, he would scream, but in the bed, he just comes out screaming.


Next is the horrible wake up.
He wakes up screaming and thrashes about, yesterday he even butted his head on the ceramic tiles. This performance (which I try to ignore) goes on for 10-15 minutes.  If I cuddle Ben, he weaves his way in and pushes, hits or kicks Ben to get him out of the way.  Ryan is still essentially non-verbal, he will repeat words, but they appear to have no meaning.  He grunts and points, often at nothing in particular which makes it even harder.  Even Ben has taken to looking at him with a strange expression on his face.

I think the bed means he gets up before he wakes up properly and this is his wake up procedure.  When in the cot, I could hear he was awake but lay there and chatted to himself, even for half an hour before he "asked" to get up.

Mark is a big softie and any time he cries he wants to give him his dummy, even though we've made dummies a bed only thing.  His behaviour is making dummy-in-the-mouth an almost constant thing, which has given him an excoriation mark on his lip/chin.

Mark is desperate to help, but this usually means getting him out of bed for a cuddle, or hopping in his bed to calm him down, all of which will be a rod for Mark's back later on.

OMG, I'm suffering from lack of sleep.  Feeling guilt as  I have to give tons of attention to Ryan, so I feel I'm not giving Ben as much attention.  Its so hard.  I hate being a temporary single parent.  I want my webcam, but can't find it.

But at the moment, Marko is playing his xbox talking to his bestie,  Ryan is happily playing with a ball, Ben is wiggling around on the floor finding stuff to play with.


Mel Young said...

Hi Christy i can feel your frustration, pain and guilt Maddy did all this except the head butting she would kick the wall instead or me until she was at least 10 i let her have her dummy and bottle until a couple of months before she started kinder people frowned upon me but it was my saviour and i think it saved her from me. I tried the time out all the supper nanny tips, rewards she would just laugh off any punishments. she went through a lot of changes from the age of 2 including changing houses x 3 suburbs, people, child care 4 days a week and all the other things you know about. To get her to sleep i gave her a massage every night in bed after 1 - 3 books sometimes this would take 1/2 hour to get her settled, when she was older (i think about 4) i used relaxation CDs and played them in her room, i found she seemed to settle more with a little night light beside her bed, she talked but I had to do a little of my own speech path at home (phonics)in kinder. I've have had her at 3 psychologists who didn't find anything wrong with her and said she will be fine and grow out of it and had a great GP until she decided to take a break 2 months ago grr :( She has slowly grown out of all these behaviours since I've changed her diet by reducing as much as possible the gluten in her diet and lactose ,she goes to bed by herself for the past 2 years its been 1030 but at least that stopped the bedtime battles and started sleeping through the night and stopped the night tantrums when she was about 9 and sleeps in on the weekends. but still can be very difficult at times now she has hit pubity. It's bloody hard work especially on your own but trust me it gets better even when you can't see the bright side. Keep up the good work take care Mel XX

Andrea said...

Hi Christy. I really feel for you. Liam was perfect (99.9% of the time). Have you tried Lavender Oil. The electric burns are great and safe. We used to read stories but then I would cuddle Liam in the rocking chair and sing to him until he could hardly keep his eyes open then I'd put him into his bed to go to sleep. That's not easy for you with two, maybe Mark could have one while you have the other and do a Team thing while Jamie is away. Maybe you could try a rail on the side of his bed, he may be feeling a little insecure without his cot. We moved Liam to a bed because he was waking up because he was hitting the sides whenever he rolled over, he was getting too big for the cot. Hope some of these help.