Exhaustion and the return of the kid.

*** WARNING *** Super-long post ahead, not for the faint hearted.

I couldn't get the car holder made in time. I'll keep it a secret from him and make it when I have time over the next few weeks.

• The humidity of Newcastle is getting to me.

• The fact that work is still not airconditioned is getting to me.

• Missing the *love of my life* is getting to me.

• Unfittness is getting to me.

• Possibly ovulating is getting to me.

• Wanting to get pregnant is getting to me.

• My drugs are getting to me.

I re-read the top of my banner. The trials of being an RLS sufferer. Restless Leg Syndrome - doesn't that sound inocuous..... if only it was. I'm suffering BAD people. I'm heavily medicated with Gabapentin. So medicated that I only can have 1/2 a glass of wine now and it feels like having 2 or 3 (you were right Jo). I'm meant to take it three times a day - my doctor doesn't want me on a high dose when I'm pregnant (which I'm not yet people) so I've slightly reduced it to 2 in the morning 1 at midday and 2 at night. This program is not working on a variety of fronts.... life is not normal at the moment. The KID is missing, school hasn't started and I still feel like I'm in holiday mode. So I forget to take them, am not taking at regular intervals. Which now means


I'm not sleeping again.


Seem to be surviving (not living) on about 3-4 hours per night. Can't get to sleep until 12.30 or later. Only sleep VERY lightly. Dream constantly. Wake up at 4am when Jamie's alarm goes off for about 1hour cos he keeps putting it onto snooze. Jamie seems to be sleeping on my side of the bed which means I have about 1 1/2 inches for myself. Its too hot to sleep. I don't want to take any more clonazepams (a long acting type of valium) because of wanting to get pregnant, and I seem to have broken that necessary addiction. So that is why i'm sitting at my computer at 4.30am typing my thoughts for the blogging world to see. What do I do? My legs seem to be aching, not so bad for jumpiness, but the not sleeping part is starting to (in Jamie's words) piss me off. That is why they call RLS a sleep disorder, that is why I'm on gabapentin which is a neuropathic pain receptor blocker which works on my brain and not my legs. But what do I do?

1. Start taking my meds at the time I should take them.
2. Do this for one week religiously and see if there is an improvement.
3. Actually TRY to get fit.
   

BUT maybe when the *love of my life* comes home in the morning. That is Mark, my darling little boy who has been visiting his wonderful grandparents for the past 3.5 weeks. Saying it that way doesn't sound that long, but when your kid is only 8 years old, he should be with his mother, the mother needs the kid. Yes its a wonderful thing that Margie & Frank and Rosemary & Brian can have the boy for a period of time on their own. It means that they can form a real relationship with him even though we live in another state. But after this length of time I'm aching for him. The feel of his hands, the feel of his skin, the feel of his little lips giving me a kiss. He's a real mummas-boy and I like it that way. The sound of his voice and the annoying little things that he does... he's meant to do them for me and Jamie. I really love that my and Jamie's parents have him for this time.. that he can experience LIFE. But I just miss him that is all.

Another story.... Jamie went fishing yesterday with his mate Tim and Tim's dad, Joe. Jamie caught a small gummy shark that he released and Joe caught a snapper - about 2kg (I think). Joe didn't want the snapper. Tim didn't want the snapper. WE GOT THE SNAPPER. Jamie gutted and de-scaled the fish, chopped his head off and chopped the tail off, but otherwise left him intact. To cook him I put some olive oil in a big glass baking dish, added some onions and garlic, dried basil and oregano (makes me want to grow that herb garden again) and some salt & pepper. Put some of it inside of him and cooked him up for about 30 minutes in the oven. IT WAS DIVINE. That was our Saturday lunch.

We also went to the Foreshore at Queens Warf - the plan was to go for coffee - too hot for coffee so we sat on the grass and watch people and boats pass while having a Coke! That is our type of going out.

The house is PERFECT. Mark will not know the house he is walking into tomorrow. The lounge room is gleaming, the kitchen is completely FLYLADYed, my sink is gleaming. Marko's room is gleaming.

To my mother and mother-in-law, you will be so proud of me. Saturday I put 5 loads of washing through the machine - have hung out 4 so far - have bought in and FOLDED and PUT AWAY 3. All this as well as the trip to Queens Warf and working a full 8 hour shift at work. I'm shocked - don't quite understand how that happened.

But as I said before - I think I'm ovulating - what does that actually mean. It means I turn into a bit of a b**ch towards Jamie and it seems that I clean a bit and that we need to get to work on getting me pregnant.

I want to talk about getting this baby (not the nitty gritty reader, that would make it porn!), but how do you talk about it without letting people know the second the "stick turns blue". I don't want the world to know the second I'm pregnant, I want people to know at the 12 week mark like you are supposed to. But going from a normal couple, to ones "trying to have a baby" puts lots of unnecessary images into people's minds and I can't help but talk. Then people are asking ALL OF THE TIME. Did you have sex last night? How many times have you had sex? I don't really want to talk about my sex life at work. But I want to talk about the topic that is dearest to my heart at the moment. Gee that is a tough one. I guess I'll just play it by ear, whatever happens will happen.

Anyway I think I will end this long and deep-inside-the-inner-psyche-of-Christy post by telling you who means a lot to me. The people I love are my immediate family - Jamie and Mark. They make my world worth living. Mum, Dad, Jo, Mark and Sheena, I adore you all, you are the people who keep me sane to deal with those who make my world worth living. My in-law family of Marg, Frank, Connie and Paul, they are just marvellous and I love them so much.

Thank you to those who made it to the end of this dramatic post - I'm off to bed - again.

xx Christy xx