Thought Processes.

Once again, a warning, proper names of body parts are being mentioned in this post.

So another appointment with the Obstetrician today. Had to be a feral and bring Ryan with me, he was very well behaved, ate a lot and drank a lot, even read some books - not his style.

Today was the "official" meeting about choosing Caesarean Section (CS) or Vaginal Deliver after Caesarean (VBAC). It was the official meeting in my head, it was really just a regular appointment.

Anyway I met with Dr Butt (lol) who is a GP who moonlights at the antenatal clinic, she is amazing, I really like her. She remembered me from two weeks ago, knew my story. The results of the "cord scan" were not in my notes, but I was able to tell her the result - no knot. Then I admitted what I've been thinking for the past several weeks... I've lost my excuse for a CS. But still the fear of giving birth is very real, I have a low pain threshold and am frightened of being trapped in any one position for any length of time because of my Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). She said there is no reason I could not have an early epidural, even just get the catheter in place and not put drugs in until its really necessary. I like the idea of that.

So after vowing never to give birth "naturally" ever again, I'm staring down the barrel of it again. Will have to read a book about what to expect.


Main reasons are:

1. Its major surgery
2. Can't drive for 6 weeks.
3. Can't lift my little angel Ryan for probably those 6 weeks.
4. Still have to keep on living.
5. No real reason (anymore) to have a CS
6. I did it last time.
   
7. They hopefully won't lie to me and give me my epidural.

Of course, should it all go pear shaped, very happy to have my CS.

Mark's birth story, and other memories from long ago - from my faded memory.

Sorry - digital photography was not around at this time, so there is a lack of appropriate photos... lots to read though.

I've not written about Mark's birth before. He was 10 days late! Braxton Hicks contracts for about two days before hand, then on the 12th June, 1998 at 2am I got my first contraction. I remember I was lying on the couch at mum & dad's house (where I was living at the time) because my sleep was pretty crap back then (deja-vu). I know it caused me to wake up and stand up in the the space of one second. I woke mum (cos I'm really nice like that) and she ran me a bath, I sat in the bath, or wandered the house in the beginning of my labour. I don't recall it being too awful, the contractions were far-ish apart and it was all managable except during the actual contractions. Around 5ish Mum cracked it and woke up Vince (my then sort-of partner and Mark's birth father who was also staying at their place) and told him to get dressed and help! Mum and Vince didn't get along so good, everyone including me knew he wasn't the right man for me.

So around 6ish we called the hospital - St George's in Kew when it was a maternity hospital - and they said to come in. The drive too 3 contractions to get there.. so maybe 15 minutes.

When we got there, Vince had to book me in, as he was my "partner" what a crock, should have been Mum. Anyway... I'll try and continue without further barbs at Vince ok.

I was taken to a birthing suite and the midwife hooked me up to a CTG machine, which is a belt around the belly to check on the heart rate. Then the midwife left... or collective memory says at least an hour. I wasn't suffering too much, had the gas for the contractions, but I was pretty crap at using that. My birth plan stated I wanted to walk, sit on the big ball, have a shower and here I was trapped in the bed with a CTG machine around my belly. Mum was doing all the "work" relaxing me, Vince held my hand (oops was that a barb?)

I think from about 8ish I was starting to lose the plot, yelling at people that "I don't want to breathe" when they suggested I breathe the gas through the contractions, the midwife asked "would I like some pethidine".. (again my birth plan said no pethidine because it makes the baby floppy") I remember this statement that I made "Am I in enough pain yet for pethidine", the midwife suggested that I was. So pethidine was given... noice.

After about another hour of me losing the plot, including an internal examination that showed I was only 3cm dilated (bring on the tears). They suggested I have an epidural... yes please.

Epidural on board, watching the CTG machine show that I was having another contraction, that is the nicest thing to watch, know you should be in excruciating pain, but what you are doing is watching a line go up. But the other line (baby's heart beat) was showing the exact opposite. Each contractions caused Mark's heart beat to drop to about 50bpm, which for a baby is very very low. So about 10.30 someone (probably the obstetrician) came in and said "having a few issues, so we might just have to get this baby out) so emergency Caesarean it was.

I was all prepped for theatre, already had the epidural, Vince was coming in to watch as well. When we were all ready for the operation to start, I remember thinking where the hell is he, he's holding up this operation, I bet he's chatting up some nurse. Later he told me, he was dressed in the scrubs within 5 minutes and they made him wait. Sorry Vince, my bad.

Operation "Chop Christy Open" begins, birthing the shoulders I felt, otherwise it was marvellous. Vince was so excited, "I got to see your guts, no one else has ever seen your guts before."

Then we got to see the gorgeous little Mark Emmanuel Orset (as he was originally called) we later officially changed his name to Mark Emmanuel Lantz to make his schooling and essentially his life easier. He was still a little bloody, had what looked like red curly hair, in retrospect, he had the tiniest amount of blonde hair that had blood on it. His eyelids were swollen, and were for about a month... the reason, the cord was wrapped around his neck twice, sort of strangling him. Well that's my theory.

Off to recovery and I was drugged out of my brain, high as a kite actually. I was lying in my bed with my leg bent - my knee was outside of the covers, I remember asking in my drugged voice "what's that big white thing down there?"
"That's your leg, love" OMG that's soooo fuuunnnnnyyyyyy.

I was hooked up to a drip for about the next day and a half. Vince slept on the floor next to me. Marko roomed in with us. Breast feeding was a little problematic mainly due to the sheer number of different midwives all with slightly different theories on how it should work. I recall one woman walking in, asking me to "get ready" and then she started to flick my nipple with her finger... still not too impressed about that. Don't you think she should have asked for permission first?

Despite an emergency caesarean section, I insisted on being discharged after 4 days, as I knew Vince was leaving to work at the snow. We had about 3 days together. I was pretty low, Mum drove us to the edge of the city and Vince got out and started to hitch hike to Mt Buller and really out of our lives. I know he called me a few times, the 2am drunk call when he professed undying love for me (total bullshit and I called him on it), I remember yelling at him, I'm looking after your son whilst you are partying at a ski resort (oh and a little cleaning) and you wake me up at 2am with lies???? (oops I did it again).

Anyway after that HUGE life changing week. I was only 24 years old, newborn baby, crumbling relationship, we managed to pick ourselves up and get on with the business of loving the most amazing little baby who has grown into a great kid. Yes I have my problems with him, but really just totally normal teenager issues, we want him to do stuff, he doesn't want to do it! Simple as that.

Mum remembers there were hours where Mark would be lying on my lap and I would just be looking at him. No wonder we're so close. Anyway after about 18 months, I was still living at home. I was on the single parent pension and my dad said "OK Christy, this isn't going to be forever like this, what are you doing with your life, go back to work at a lab, or go to uni or something, you cannot be a pensioner". He was so right. I didn't want to go back to Melbourne Pathology where I was the shit kicker, no where to go in that company without uni, and I knew the scientists didn't do too much more than what I did, so there was little point in becoming a Medical Laboratory Scientist. But I did like the idea of nursing (they are nice people, I'd like to be nice) so I started my nursing degree in 2000 when I was 26 years old.

Also in that time period, Vince and I totally broke up, we had a couple of weekends at Mum & Dad's caravan in Eildon so he could get to know Mark, but it was all fruitless. I spent a lot of hours on the computer in that new thing called the "internet", I chatted to lots of guys on ICQ... went a little wild (oops again), and then somehow started talking/typing to a guy in Tullamarine who worked strange hours so was available to talk to me when I was online (remember dialup). Anyway we talked for hours and hours, he was nice, but I wasn't in love. One day we suggested we might meet for a drink. I didn't know this fella from a bar of soap really. So we agreed to meet at a pub half way between our houses, and we'd each bring a friend. I took Jo and Jamie brought Dave (who didn't admit he had a girlfriend and tried to chat up Jo - sorry Kirsty if you read this) we had a nice evening, but no sparks at all. But we kept on chatting, cos we got along really well. But by Easter of 2000.... well we were a fully fledged couple and haven't looked back. Jamie accepted Mark without question, Margie I believe was a little wary of Jamie's girlfriend who had an 18 month old son! But she loves me now.

Lazy

What a day today is.

Slept poorly overnight, up at 3.30 until 5ish.
Woke at 7.15,
Back to bed at 9 to "read" ended up sleeping.
Woke at 10.30
Slept on the couch from about 12ish to 2ish.

THANK GOODNESS RYAN IS SLEEPING TOO.

I feel like I could just sleep for days and days...
Need to achieve stuff, but just not today.

Going to visit Toni now.

WHOOPIE PIES

Today, I'm trying something very very new (to me). Its an old Amish recipe called Whoopie Pie. So far so good. The batter is pretty yum.

I'm about to put 4" circles of batter onto my pan and get 6 cooking.

That step has worked well. Hmm, not enough batter, will only end up with 6 pies :( The second batch are in the oven as I type. They sure spread a lot eh?


Have to wait for them to cool before I can "fill" them with the marshmallow filling. Am rediculously excited about this baking process and am very disappointed there aren't more.

This is the marshmallow fluff icing/filling. Very very sticky stuff. And delicious.






Taste test... soon.

A highly irregular new problem.

I don't know how this problem started, I had solved it for several years. Only doing the barest of essentials... what is it that I speak of?
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IRONING



As I said, the only stuff I used to iron was my uniform tops. Everything else was left to iron itself once worn.

Now Jamie's work t-shirts have all died and have been replace with Hard Yakka shirts, these need ironing. Mark has several "cool" t-shirts which look so much better when ironed, even little Ryan's t-shirts look nicer when ironed, and of course my uniforms and the tea towels which I just can't help doing. So each week I have a large basket of ironing to do. I tend to do it whilst watching a good murder mystery (ie any night of the week). Then the house becomes a chinese laundry for a few hours as I hang up shirts all over the place.

Source of photo here

Pressure

Who is this pressure coming from?

ME.

I don't want to go back to work after this baby is born, maybe not until he goes to school. I don't know how to achieve this.

I don't know if we can afford child care if I do go back to work.

I really want to move back to Melbourne, I've made my opinion known to lots of people, but now I don't feel like that is going to happen, so I feel like I've lost. Not sure exactly what I've lost, but if I go back to work at the John Hunter I'm sure it will be with my tail between my legs.

Still not feeling well, feel super guilty that I'm taking drugs to sleep. The worst part is the drugs didn't work last night, so today I'm foggy as well and sleep deprived.

Sub-Tropical Summer

Now this is what I'm talking about.

Warm and muggy in the morning, then an afternoon thunderstorm complete with hail. We loved it. I think I even saw lightening touch the road outside my house.

Ryan was engrossed in it. I tried to take a photo of him looking out the window at the rain, but then he caught me with technology in my hand and had to leave his window spot and attack me. He did jump a bit at some of the thunder, but then that makes sense cos it was REALLY LOUD.

Wonder how my dearest eldest boy is going at camp. I'm not usually a worrier, but he seemed so vulnerable this morning. Sitting looking lonely all by himself. He even gave me a kiss goodbye - was not expecting that. I thought he'd have a big posse of kids that he hung with.. but no. Will chat with him on the weekend. I wonder if they were in the middle of the lagoon canoeing or on a long hike when the storm hit. Certainly will make for interesting stories when he gets home............. tomorrow.

Must get some jobs done, I've been quite melancholy today and have done bugger all.

Pre-camp Jitters.

Mark is off to his first high school camp. Its only in Glenrock Lagoon, in Kahibah. Which I think is kind of funny, as its only 20 minutes away. Its an overnight excursion, where they have to take everything, including a sleeping mat and a "mess kit". So thankfully it was only $40.

Young Mark has no sense of urgency, none at all. I suggested we pack on Sunday evening, the reply was a filthy look and that's just stupid. So yesterday after school, I said "lets pack" and that was greeted well. So we packed, luckily I went through it, he only had 2 t shirts and they had asked for 4, the same with shorts. I ironed his name on everything that would stay still for me. I wasn't letting his have Jamie's mag torch, so he doesn't have a torch, otherwise he's got everything. We told him to leave his iPhone at home, I was expecting this to be ignored, but thankfully he has left it at home. The note said no electronic devices, I'm sure he'll be the only one without an iPod type thing.

So off to school this morning with so many year sevens and a handful of parents. I managed to have a nice conversation with the deputy principal, who I said I hope we never get to know. She was lovely and new to the school, she said it has a fabulous vibe, they have meetings all the time about the children - something that would be rebelled against at other high schools, but its the norm here - she said of course they have their troublemakers, but its shifting. They are working hard at improving the culture of the school. So happy that I chose that school, I know its probably the same at all schools, but I really like the uniform too.

Valentine's Day Recap

It was a doozy.

Jamie left at 5.40am as usual. I had not slept.. ok maybe I dozed, but no sleep. Ryan woke at 6am for his milk and then I put him back to bed, this did not work, but thankfully he just talked to himself. Mark up at 7am, insisting I get up also. Dragged myself out of bed and achieved the morning tasks.

Ryan was not himself yesterday, we feel molars are coming through.. pain. So he was a bit of a sookylala, and I put him back to bed and he slept until 10:30am, maybe even eleven. I dozed in that time.

We needed car parts, the engine of our Commodore "dropped" not sure how this happens, but maybe the baking heat of the past two weeks sped up the perishing process of the rubber boots holding it in place (that's what I think and I'm sticking to it) anyway quite dangerous to drive, so it was at Rocket's house waiting for me to order these "boots". When Jamie finally rang to tell me what to ask for, Auto1's response was "what size boot do you need"... oh shit! I don't know, Jamie didn't know, Rod didn't know. Sorry Jamie this is a job you need to work out for yourself, so after about 10 phone calls, of which 5 of them, Ryan was screaming! I gave up on car parts.

Around 12:30, time to head to Rebecca's house so she could babysit my little dude whilst I was at my antenatal appointment. It doesn't really feel fair to drag a 14 month old baby to a hospital to sit in his pram and be quiet. Ryan doesn't quite know the meaning of quiet at the moment, he's discovered his voice and likes to use it - loudly - to tell long intricate stories of complete babble.

Got to Metford, settled in Ryan, who I believe spent the afternoon driving his Buzz spaceship and laughing at Wilson - their white fluffly dog, Bella - the husky - was kept outside much to her disgust!

Appointment went really well. Had a lovely GP/gynae specialist who believed me and was willing to help me. My reflux is bad, I'm now on ranitidine bd. My sleeping sux (as you know) she has given me temazepam.... and I got 7 hours sleep last night. Jamie was a little upset that I wasn't able to say goodbye to him this morning (as I was in my induced coma). Spoke with the head of the department about my Caesarean, he thinks its quite reasonable. I'm booked for a 3 or 4D scan on Friday to look at the umbilical cord to make sure their are no early knots, to ease my anxiety over this. Quite looking forward to seeing the littlest Mr Storer in three days time. I hope Jamie is able to attend this appointment - going against my earlier argument that hospitals are no place for babies. Below is a self portrait of me at 33 weeks preggers!


Anyway, I quick dash out of the hospital, collected Mark at home on my way back to Metford to get Ryan. Then got a phone call from Jamie, get some brake fluid and meet me at Rocket's house to give him a car key. No worries mate. R fell asleep in the car and we went in and had a cup of tea. Then to Jesmond to get my drugs, home. Sat down for 5 minutes. Then Jamie came home and I had to drive him to Hexham to his helicopter meeting (yes you read that correctly) he is in a helicopter club, and they want him to build their website (hopefully for free membership, but that remains to be seen). He didn't get home until almost 10.30pm.

I think I got a Valentine's kiss from him.



Driving included: Home (Shortland) - Metford - New Lambton - Shortland - Metford - Tomago - Jesmond - Shortland - Hexham - Shortland. Maybe I didn't need the sleeping pill.... utter exhaustion might have done it.

CSTDIDWF: Ryan

Cute Stuff They Do I Don't Wanna Forget...

Thanks Courtney for the cool title :)

My munchikin commencing his walking career. He hasn't done it much, but will take a few faltering steps when coerced. I'm so lucky that his first steps were captured on our video as I was at work at the time. Might have to send Mark to cinematographer school though, pretty crap job of a momentous occasion.

Climbing on and off his Buzz Spaceship is pretty cool. He can manoeuvre those legs pretty easily these days.

Looking into boxes. We got a long "poster" style box the other week, he was putting his balls into it and then peeking to see if they'd gone in. Terribly cute. Yesterday at the Baker's house they had an old air-conditioner box with a door cut out. He crawled in, sat up and then shut the door, very proud of our little man.

Opening doors - not necessarily good, but clever. Quite frustrating actually. Must get more door locks :(

Eating corn on the cob last night... loved it. He look so confident, like he'd been doing it his whole life (makes me wish I'd left him a little more corn - oops) he also enjoyed his portion of the lamb chop, as my mum says "not a little baby any more"


Another not necessarily cute, but clever, he lets me know when he's finished his food by throwing it off the edge! Messy but thoughtful.

Yesterday was the best laugh, I was listening to an 80s radio station and "The Final Countdown" by Europe came on, well I ding/sing along to the whole song, being a headbanger in my teenage years.. so I did and quite loud, he found the "nahh nahh na-na-na-na" of the intro hilarious and was cracking himself up laughing. He also laughs heaps at Mark over silly faces.

Chasey is fun, especially when he stops and looks around - and as his crawling is very good, its not efficient - so we catch up.

Dive bombing into his ball pit, thank you Arron and Tara for that ballpit, best present ever!

The sad, pathetic life of Christy

I'm feeling ick. Lots of problems at the moment... (time for another list)

1. RLS - bad
2. Can't sleep because of #1
3. Anxiety because of #1
4. Sore ear - I'm pretty sure its a bite, skin started peeling off today
5. Top of right foot hurts
6. Lower abdo and upper left thigh pain, actually a little more like groin pain, should I call the delivery suite? (Reminding me a little of the labour from Ryan)
7. A sense of general heaviness
8. Puffy feet
9. Reflux
10. Slight nausea

Ok, that is more than enough. I'm really tired and want to sleep, but the fear of going to my bedroom is overwhelming. How do I turn off the thoughts??????????

Sore Ear

Ok this is getting pathetic.

The top of my ear hurts, its all red, no cuts that Jamie can see. At least its my left for love ear, I think I'd get paranoid if it was my right ear (right for spite).

I can't bake anymore. My cupcakes failed last night. They all sunk :(
Failed profiteroles.
Failed Mars Bar slice.

Quite depressing really.

My Footy Club is Awesome.

A slight side bar to start with: I love the word awesome, I'm sure it comes from two parts of my life, its truly a Christian word, and I still consider myself a Christian and more obviously its from "How I Met Your Mother" where quite cool people use awesome a lot. I've taken to using it again.

But back to the topic at hand. My footy club "Wallsend Junior AFL Club" is seriously awesome. The committee is full of really motivated people. Something that Jamie and I are not. Our president Jason is brilliant, he's on the ball, excellent letter writer, excellent thinker, a bit of a stress head but gets the job done. Maybe that's why he's wanted to step down as president for the past 3 years without success.

Next come Russ and Sharyn. Talk about motivated, they have called all the schools in the area to confirm they have flyers about our registration day this afternoon. They also put a lot of thought into what's needed. Russ practices with his kids and local kids, he plans his training sessions and generally worries about how the club is going to fare.

Jamie goes with the flow, he doesn't really instigate anything, will help out, do what is required, but a leader... umm not really. I'm not a big fan of getting involved either. Quite happy to have an excuse this year. BABIES.

Life when you are 32 weeks pregnant

32 weeks sounds a long way through, but there are 8 weeks left, that is 2 months! In reality of life, two months is a long time, but when you get closer to 40 (ok I do have 3 years) time moves quickly.

Good things that have happened this week:

• The heat went away (but its coming back)
• Work is good
• I'm going to have a kickass Tupperware party on Friday - its only Tuesday and I have 7 confirmed guests... only have comfy seating for 5.. will have to bring the kitchen chairs in.
• I've made two slices
• I've made the bed two days in a row.
• Two less mice are in the world.

Now for the bad stuff:

• Restless Leg Syndrome and insomnia. Words fail me how awful this is.
• Ryan got heat rash and is feeling poorly, off his food (which he is completely hopeless with at the best of times) and more importantly slow with his milk.
• Mark isn't listening and I feel like a banshee, threatening him is the only thing working.
  
• Mark is not really talking to me, unless he wants something, he finds it funny to scare me, trick me, push me to my limits. And this boy was wonderful last week.
• Jamie is sooo busy, I miss him. He is working on his boat, helicopter, computer or second computer job as well as working full time. Sometimes I feel we are tag team wrestlers, hand slap as one takes over the babysitting duty. When I get home from work its his cue to go out, and a bit vice versa.
• Lack of interest in cooking.
• Two failed baking jobs yesterday, I wanted to make profiteroles and forgot to put the eggs in, hence they didn't rise, I know they needed eggs, but just omitted them, waste of time, energy and ingredients.

Ahhh don't you just love a list. Quite obsessed with them. Mark's mate Mads is coming after school due to a footy training day, so Mark has requested I clear the kitchen bench, and could I "try to be a bit nicer"... I replied "if you do be a bit nicer"
Humph, will see how we go..

Well that was just a bit crap

I was expecting a nice link, but alas no. This is the photo I wanted on the previous post. How cute is that, its a McCall's pattern and no, I don't sew, but have sent the link to my mother. My son's have no where to wear such a costume, so I don't really want her to make it. But its oh so cute. Imagine my little Ryan in that, or new bubba.... awww

Its cooler, had a gorgeous cool change this afternoon. So excited that I almost hugged a patient!

Ryan has heat rash from his baby man boobs to his chin :(

The big fellas are over "fixing" the boat.

I'm dizzy.

I have reflux and don't like it.

Feeling hot hot hot

I hate summer. I hate heat. I don't like getting too hot in winter either, not a fan of the electric blanket on overnight (Jamie is though).

This last week has been horrendous.
40 - 38 - 39 - 41 - 37 - tomorrow is due to be 42 and Sunday is 36 followed allegedly by a cool change around midday. Those figures might not be 100% correct, but bloody freaking close enough.

I'm 7 months pregnant, I don't do heat ordinarily, but this is just so much worse.

My RLS is shocking, I'm so tired and unable to do anything, because I can't leave the lounge room where the A/C is. Life, quite frankly, sucks at the moment. So I'm watching 18 hours of tv a day.. my brain is turning to mush. My house is going down the toilet.

There are floods, cyclones, ice storms, riots and wars all over the world. But all I care about is that is effing HOT and I want it to rain and loose some of this hotness.

In other news....

• Mark thinks high school has been marvellous so far. He's loving it.
• Had a GTT yesterday, will look up my results tomorrow.
• Jamie's new (second) job with Geeks2U is going really good.
• Ryan is going good, he babbles so much, he has half hour long stories - just wish I knew what it was all about.
• Sheena started special school today, still waiting to hear how it went.
• Mum got the all clear on her blood tests, and is being referred to an orthopaedic dude for more advice about her strange shaped back.
• Toby is starting his toilet training, I didn't hear the tinkle, but he does it.
• Only have 11 shifts of work to go before I start maternity leave and get to meet my new little fella.

Too many thoughts

I jokingly said on Facebook last night. I need a pensive. A pensive is a type of bird bath that you put all of your extra thoughts into, so you don't need to hold onto them all. I think it would be a good idea if such a thing really existed.

So what is it I'm thinking about:

The birth of my next baby, due in two months time. I want a c-section and it appears the powers that be at the hospital are quite happy to let me do that. The doc I saw yesterday is actually a GP with an advanced interested in obstetrics - so much so that he helps run the clinic - he raised an interesting point with me. Are you finished your family after this baby? Well yes I am. I have said all along that 3 is enough, I won't be going back to "try for a girl", I don't want to have to think about a new car to transport 4 children, the cost associated with 4 children, the car seats, the bedrooms, the school fees, sport fees, toys... well to be totally honest I'm done. I suggested to Jamie recently that he go for a vasectomy (didn't get a favourable response). Anyway this doctor suggestion a tubal ligation, its not something I thought about, mainly because I didn't' think they did it any more. It totally makes sense. No need to worry about contraception, no suprise baby at 45 when I think I'm hitting menopause. Plus my belly is already open (that was Jamie's comment, no need for me to have an operation). Anyone out there in blogland had a Tubal Ligation, any fors or againsts?